I have found that inner desires and personal limits are the crux of a lot of interpersonal conflicts. People may like to be thought of as ”helpful”; “committed”; “will go above and beyond” to name a few but by engaging in these acts are we pleasing ourselves or pleasing others?
If we say yes to anything and everything that is asked of us in order to please another it may lead to feelings of stress, dread about an event or bitterness. So I ask you: What are you afraid of by saying No? Some people are fearful of others reactions…” Maybe she won’t like me anymore.” “Maybe I won’t get the promotion .” “Maybe they will get angry with me. “I like being his friend, if I say no he won’t speak to me again.” The list goes on.
The reality is people may be upset or disappointed. However, your limits and your inner desires are more important than others reactions. It is not your responsibility to anticipate other people’s reactions. Nor is it your job to make others happy or to please others to the detriment of your own happiness. Your job and your responsibility is solely to make YOU happy.
Think about this for a moment: You have planned a day shopping on Saturday, getting your hair done and going for dinner. Then…your friend asks you to her work event. It will be on all day, and she pleads for you to go. So you say yes. Following the request, you end up dreading the weekend, you moan, think about cancelling and feel annoyed with yourself for saying yes but you begrudgingly go to the event. It pleases your friend but ruins your weekend. Usually, we have a gut instinct that peaks when someone asks us to do something or go somewhere. You can feel it in the pit if your stomach. You either want to or don’t want to. Lean into that! Listen to the pleading voice inside you rather than another.
Surrounding yourself with people that respect your limits and your inner desires, even if they feel initially upset will support you long term. You deserve to say yes to you, treat yourself with compassion and please yourself in the same way you are pleasing your friend, boss, family member etc.
Personal Limit setting can be difficult but essential to wellbeing. If you would like to chat about how I may be able to support you please get in touch!